Why, you ask? Travel is harmless! You went away, did cool things, and now you want to share your adventures with the world!
But, if you’re not careful, travel talk can divide a group faster than you can say "Lonely Planet." For some reason, if you put two or more backpackers in a room together, you end up caught in a death spiral of ridiculous one-upmanship.
Take these two absurd conversations, in which travelers are desperate to prove: “My trip was more authentic than your trip!”
Example 1: A girl, let’s call her Robyn, enters a hostel kitchen somewhere in Germany. A young guy also enters the kitchen. His outfit screams “backpacker” or “that dude with a guitar on every college campus”–complete with dreadlocks, a hemp sweater, and several tattered string bracelets.
Guy: “How long are you traveling for?”
Robyn: “3 months.”
Guy: “Wow, 3 months, that’s…cool (in a tone of voice that suggests it’s not cool at all). I just left my house one day and I’ve been traveling ever since. I don’t know when I’ll go back (stares off heroically into the distance).”
Robyn: “Huh. Wow.”
Guy: “Do you have a Eurail pass?”
Robyn: “Yep.”
Guy: “I didn’t get a Eurail pass. I would just feel so…restricted, you know? Sitting with tourists, going exactly where the train wants me to go.”
Robyn: (Blink blink) “Right.”
Guy: “How did you find this hostel?”
Robyn: “On the Internet.”
Guy: “Pfff. The Internet. Me on the other hand, I prefer to get off the tourist trail and just...go wherever life takes me. Really get to know the country.”
Robyn: (flinging microwave lasagna in his face) “You’re touring a foreign country for fun! Guess what? You’re a tourist! How do you like that? Huh? Tourist!”
That last part may not have happened.
Example 2: Four people are sitting around a table at a party. Two of the guys have been on trips recently, and someone unsuspectingly asks one of them about theirs.
Guy 1: “Yeah, I just came back from Poland.”
Guy 2: (Eagerly jumping in)“Cool. I just spent a month in Cuba.”
Guy 1: “Oh, I spent two months in Poland.”
Guy 2: “Cool, but the people in Cuba, man, they’re just so laid-back and the country is just so beautiful.”
Guy1: “Yeah, the people in Poland are sooooo laid-back too, and I made such great friends and became fluent in Polish.”
Guy 2: “Oh that’s cool. Yeah, I picked up a lot of Spanish too and toured the country with a traditional Cuban band.”
Guy 1: “Yeah, I met this really cool family in Poland and they took me in and adopted me as their son.”
Soon they are raising their voices and speaking at the same time, as their listeners look from one to the other, trying to make sense of this crazy word salad.
Guy 1: "And there was this drink called -"
Guy 2: "The music, man, the music was really - "
Guy 1: "-THE CULTURE-"
Guy 2: "-JUST SO MUCH HISTORY, REALLY INCREDIBLE - "
Unfortunately, this last bit did happen.
Don't get me wrong, I love travel pictures, travel stories, all that stuff. But somehow travel talk always becomes a competition. I am not immune. On my last trip, when someone asked me, "Is this your first time away from Canada?" - I was ready for pistols at dawn, too. "I'll have you know that I spent FOUR months in South America..."
