It will likely get me in trouble, and I'll likely lose some Facebook friends along the way. I am about to defend…(drumroll) ...Twilight. There is a point to this, however, so if you don't want to read about Twilight, feel free to skip to the conclusion.
Now, Twilight’s protagonist Bella is often accused of being the worst kind of anti-feminist for the following reasons:
1. Bella is clumsy
Really? Being clumsy is anti-feminist? But…I’m clumsy as fuck. Once as a kid, I fell flat on my face from a standing position, for no reason whatsoever, and knocked my teeth out. Another time, I crashed my bike into the only existing tree on a wide, flat path. I have spilled vast amounts of food and drink on almost everyone I know. And I doubt this has anything to do with women's rights.
2. Bella’s boyfriend is jealous and possessive
Yeah, he’s jealous because Bella spends a lot of alone time with her best friend. Her best friend happens to be a hunky dude with a prominent 8-pack who constantly professes his love for her.
What happens if we turn this around? Women of the world, are you telling me that you would not be annoyed if your boyfriend went every day to visit his best friend the Victoria’s Secret model, who never wears any clothes around the house, who has threatened to kill you and who routinely begs your boyfriend to leave you for her? I’m sorry but no one is that understanding.
3. Bella needs men to defend her at all times
Okay people, this is a fantasy story. All the other characters have superhuman powers. All of them. You’d never expect some puny human to compete with the X-Men, would you? Or a Muggle to defeat Voldemort? She gets A's in science class, but she can't kill a vampire? What an outrageous antifeminist! Geez, cut the girl some slack.
To be considered a feminist, do you always have to be better than everyone at everything (i.e. be better than a vampire at killing)?
Today at work I asked a tall man to help me retrieve a heavy box from a high shelf. Then, to get my computer fixed, I called a professional who actually knows how to fix computers. In my desire not to injure myself or break stuff, I guess I accidentally became anti-feminist.
Also, it’s not just male superhuman creatures that defend Bella. It’s female superhuman creatures too. Just sayin’.
4. Bella is focused on/heartbroken over men
Okay, women (and men) of the world. Have you ever been strongly drawn to someone? Did you fall in love with them and wish that you could just curl up with them and forget about the world for a while? Did you lose such a person and feel devastated, knowing that nothing would ever be the same?
If no, then great. Good for you. You may continue judging the rest of us.
If yes…well, why not give Bella a break?
5. Bella doesn’t want to go to college and work for a living etc.
That’s right, because she has the unique opportunity to be transformed into a millionaire immortal with super powers.
This critique always reminds me of those people who say “If I win the lottery, I won’t keep any of the money – I’ll give it all away and keep working 60 hours a week.” That’s great, I admire you, but I’m not so pure-hearted. If I win the lottery, sure, I’ll give to charity...but I’ll also sail around the Mediterranean on my massive yacht. Does that make me anti-feminist – or just a greedy individual?
I feel that there’s plenty of time for Bella to follow noble intellectual pursuits once she is financially set for life and impervious to all diseases.
6. Bella doesn’t abort her fast-growing nightmare baby
Yeah, okay, the baby plot is wack. It is really the one thing about Twilight that is difficult/impossible to defend.
On one hand, it’s a woman’s right to choose. And if she chooses to go ahead with a terrifying bursting-through-the-stomach birth, then who am I to tell her she can’t?
However, inventing this plot device in order to show a female heroine refusing an abortion, well, that’s undeniably icky. You got me there.
I guess my point is: I demand the right to be clumsy, the right to be bad at some things and good at other things, the right to be head over heels in love with my significant other, and the right to blow this pop stand when I win the lottery – and still be considered a feminist, unlike poor Bella here.
