Dear Smug Jerk,

You know who you are. You're that one complete stranger at every party who, for some reason, feels compelled to insult me.

There I am, just minding my own business, when you introduce yourself. I've never met you, but I am hopeful that we can be friends. You tell me that you're studying commerce, or engineering, or some such thing. I nod politely and sip my drink. All is friendly. Then, you ask me what I studied at university. "English," I reply innocently. Then you say:

"Fuck! English? Why would anyone study English? That's the most useless degree in the world! You'd be better off if you spent those 4 years playing pinball!"

*Blink* Huh? I thought we were making polite small talk here!

Most people (except for your Grade 3 bully) learned at a very young age that it's not socially appropriate to walk up to some random person and call them an idiot. But...when I hit my 20s, it suddenly become appropriate again, and hilariously witty. "I think I'll trash the life choices of the first person I meet tonight!"

After several years being insulted by nearly every stranger I met, I finally decided to talk back. The conversation went something like this.

Smug Jerk # 543: "You're completely useless in the job market. You'll never go anywhere in life."

Me: "I have a job."

Smug Jerk #543: *splutter* "Um, uhhhh....well, that's not the point! The point is that an English degree will never prepare you for real responsibilities, in the real world!"

Me: "Tell that to my real boss. She'll think you're a real asshole."

I think this prejudice against English majors comes from our perception of what "the real world" is. I happen to believe that art, literature, and ideas are a crucial part of "the real world," and are essential to understanding it. So do Europeans. I have never been insulted by a European. Instead, they say, "You studied Literature? That's interesting! It must have been really hard. What period did you specialize in?"

North Americans, however, are practical to a fault. They study Systems Integration Management and become Systems Integration Managers. They feel that they have to follow one path from age 18 until death, making as much money as possible and never enjoying it. Suffering automatically makes you a respectable person, and the arts are childish distractions.

As for me, I am proud to hold a degree that lets me to adapt to a variety of situations, and appreciate the world around me. So, Smug Jerk, just shut up about things you don't understand, and stick to talking about the weather.